


Tear drops on sand

by BadLuckCharm



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, depressed yang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-09 16:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16453340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadLuckCharm/pseuds/BadLuckCharm
Summary: Sometimes the fire in you can turn against you instead of extinguishing the sorrows.Character study of Yang post Vol 4.





	Tear drops on sand

Abandoned.

Left behind.

That's what it feels like to exist in a abyss of constant pain, grief and loss. The echo of her own scream in her head, the sword swiftly slicing off her right arm like it was a slice of apple and not a friggin appendage attached to her body. The shock hid away most of the pain and forced her into welcoming arms of darkness.

She just wished it lasted infinitely longer  than a day.

Her shaking left arm was the only visible proof the scars that cannot be seen but still sting her from inside out.

And Blake just left. Like it didn't matter.

Like she was another dark past she needed to run from.

 

 

The clatter of knife falling on the hardwood floor, from her flesh and blood hand brings back feeling in her and its too much. The first thing she registers past the foggy haze, is the feeling of hot tears drying on her cheeks, and the irritation in her eyes. 

Then she registers the shaking in her left arm and tries to bring her right arm to steady it. But nothing happens. She numbly stares at the bandaged stump where her right arm should have been, and she's so sure she could still feel the phantom feeling of it touching her left arm. 

A bundle of fur launches itself at her with a bark, and wordlessly she shakily hugs Zwei closer and buries her face in his soft, soothing fur.

She's not quite sure why she picked up the knife, but she kicks it away, it slides away from her blurry view. She clucthes the warm bundle on her chest tighter with her arm and sobs, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Her arm still shakes. 

And it's not like the last time it happens.

 

 

The second first time since leaving Patch, she sees her reflection on the rusty mirror glass in the bathroom, she punches it clean with her flesh and blood arm, disregarding the warm blood flowing from her knuckles and into the sink.

Her arm shakes, and she looks into the shards that reflect her red rimmed lilac eyes that were hidden under dark sunglasses during the daylight.

No wonder Blake left, she wouldn't want to deal with the broken mess that she is now either. 

 

Her hand heals within seconds and the dried blood on the sink, and broken mirror shards are the only evidence of it all.

Why can't aura heal mental scars?

Or give her back her arm?

 

 

 

Meeting Raven Brawnwen was everything she ever wanted, needed and everything and nothing like what she spent fourteen years of her life imagining about. All the dead ends, all the late night thoughts, all the feelings of self-doubt, anger, resentment, it all lead to this.

And yet, she faces Raven with the face of an older sister searching for her baby sister , and not a lost, distraught daughter wondering what happened that made her own mother leave her without ever being in her life. There was so much she needed to ask, so much she needed to know, so much Raven had to answer.

Why did you leave us? Leave me?

Was I not good enough for you?

Do you love me?

Instead she says:

"You can spout off whatever you want, but nothing is going to keep me from my sister."

Raven might be her biological mother, but Summer Rose was her mom, the one who raised her, and never made her doubt the love that she held for the child who wasn't hers by blood. Just like Ruby Rose was her baby sister.

So, yes now she was looking at Raven Brawnwen through the eyes of someone who wasn't an adult, but had been through too much, had seen the cruelties of this world, and knew that her baby sister was in danger, and that she couldn't leave her alone. 

Like Raven Brawnwen did when she needed her.

It seemed Blake Belladonna didn't have a problem with it either.

 

Depression is like a parasite grimm. It takes and takes, until there's a hollow emptiness inside. It feeds off your fears, turns your longing into a nightmare that you cannot wake up from. Sometimes you wish you didn't feel a damn thing,  other times you wish you did. The blackness is terrifying but feels like nothing too.

She wishes she felt something when Ruby told her she loves her.  Even the cold silence  as a response to her baby sister, didn't faze her.

For the first time since Ruby was born, she didn't even want to look at her. She knew the hurt expression was there and the increasing worry in those silver pools would have made it worse.

A maple leaf falls from the tree.

It lays red and solitary on her window sil. 

Like her right arm is somewhere in the gritty, debris filled road in Vale.

 

Ruby, bless her gentle heart and understanding nature, didn't blame her  for not coming with her.

She tries to stay still as the tray with tea cups crackling on the floor sound like fireworks. Ruby is her priority now. Always has been.

Nervous blabber spills from her lips laced with self-blame and silver orbs crinkling with regret and longing for her older sister. 

Overwhelmed with love and self-hate, she envelopes her into a tight hug, and says the words that she couldn't say then "I love you."

And  her returning answer makes her cry harder.

She'll always want Ruby around. Even when she couldn't bring herself to feel it some days.

Ruby feels like home. Like sunshine on darkest of days.

 

It's one step forward,  and few steps sideways from there. Because it turns out, one mention of Blake, and she's back into  the land where the clouds hide the sunshine, because sometimes crops need pouring rain instead of sunshine.

Weiss is like an icy balm in cold nights ; it feels chilly but soothes your muscle ache. She makes her understand Blake's actions, but it doesn't lessens the hole in heart or the shaking of her left arm.

 Ruby tries, and something in her breaks everytime she pushes her away when depression raises its ugly claws. It's like she wants to pull her into a hug, but all her body does is walk away from her. Seeing the hurt and self-deprecation in those silver eyes makes her want to claw herself for hurting her little sister.

She feels like a runner. Huh, funny how she's mirroring Blake in the job of pushing people away to protect people because she feels she's toxic and they're better off without her anyway. 

In the battle with Ruby by her side, she vows to be the big sister she needs and it's easier to step into those shoes again. 

Somedays, it feels like it's sucking her life out to even indulge her into some talks about each others' lives. 

So she smiles, even when she feels nothing inside her. Hides her pain behind puns, and tries to be the carefree big sister and teammate she was before it happened.

It gets easier, but feels more difficult each time.

Like death might be more welcoming than staying alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I had planned on adding more. Might do it if I have an inspiration or time to write more. Feel free to let me know if there's any mistakes or misplaced words.
> 
> Thank you for reading, have a nice week ahead.


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